Like I go to sleep on my uni bed and feel so uncomfortable, the springs are screaming get the fuck off me and I'm forcing myself onto them acting like 'this is the life n****' no.
Lectures are an hour long, or even longer. I couldn't stand sitting watching a teacher talk for 45 minutes let alone this. Everything sounds either too patronising or too complex. Expectations are okay but today made me just give my brain an ultimatum man. I am not calm at all and I will just let it out on this because lets face it who can I talk to about such shit like this.
Day after day I think to myself...I'll get used to it, it'll get better...I will settle.
Yeah if I believe in potential.
I feel drained all the time. My mind is running constantly like a computer monitor and if you don't shut me off I will keep running and running all day until I overheat ...and then there comes a point when I burn my insides out. No fan can cool that shit down.
I'm a person to get up and go. I can't sit still, I have to be questioned and challenged and you have to keep my engaged. I piss on the word 'passive' and my attention span is 0.
Okay wow ffs I'm just moaning let me stop.
Today something did inspire me...
came across this one individual who said
'If you believe in something enough then there shouldn't be a plan b'I liked that. You can question it, but I like it alot.
When you look at him you saw, black clothes, Jordans, beats and a chain.
I saw past that. Fuck the music, the Kanye West on the wall and his speakers. I wanna know why was he so eager to share this. They thought we just read his book but I only got the Illustrator.
It was a mask and I don't know why but everything he said was too generic, there was more and I can now only wonder to think what's to him.
He was cool. I know he wasn't fond of me. But that's cool, it only made me question him further.
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