Today, I sat in a talk which I thought would influence,
inspire or entice me to like my supposed career path.
Here we go...
So, as I sit trying to catch my breath as quietly and as
subtly as I could, the speaker is sat on the stage with a lecturer from my university
in a Newsnight fashion.
At first, I heard “being the only Asian at that time,” he
instantly got my attention.
He talked a lot, the questions formed by the lecturer were
shit to be honest, “who was your favourite lecturer?” for example, what a time
waste. If this was 20 years back is that question still relevant now? No.
I looked around, there was a mix of males and females from
all backgrounds listening in to what this talk entailed. Not going to lie, I
was waiting for one question. And that one question was brought up at about
13.37 when I was just about to check my notifications on Facebook.
I threw my phone into my bag.
“So I mean, erm so like would you say that the posh Asian
girl who went to posh schools and received proper education is more likely to
get to where you are at now, I mean working for the BBC etc…” and he went off
on a dry ending as he adjusted his choking belt around his pregnant belly.
Hold up though.
“Posh Asian girl?”
Who’s that pls?.
My neck twitched. My curls now stuck to my lip gloss.
I thought to myself…
Is this dick for real? I’m no toff, but I’m no scrounger either. But wow, that was a big dose of “fuck you”. Number one, what the hell is “proper education”, and two I ain’t from no posh school. So suck on my dick when I sit here knowing fully well I worked my arse to get to where I am, through cultural and religious barriers. Not a silver spoon stuck up my arse and Dr Khan as my dad. I want no medal, but that was insensitive and benefited no one in the room, instead he embarrassed his toff ass and grew pink in his porky cheeks.
“So how did you feel being brown, I mean is that why you got
into the positions you did...?”
Lol, “feel being brown” ?? Like it’s a symptom of God’s mishap.
“It’s not about skin colour, it’s about the cultural and
social background that you come from.”
I became nostalgic of that one time (in band camp) in year
10, I was pulled into an empty room and was sat at a table of Asian girls, and this
one line shrieked in my right ear “don’t end up cooking chapati, we want to
see you girls in uni!!” as I sat with sweaty palms and a throat full of phlegm
ready to spit at this ethnic representative authority figure.
So I guess now I class as a brown face in university, and
perhaps ten years down the line I’ll be asked the exact same question about “feeling
brown”. Lol
Back to this talk.
The guy went on to say how he was someone who no one had
come across before, he was new something fresh. All because he was a Muslim
Asian male, full of ideas to make these controversial, religiously touching and
political documentaries.
Okay. I can do that without having a dick.
My conscience spoke
to me.
“If you’re from a background where you know you won’t get
any help, it’s better to recognise that as early as possible, it’s very
important.”
Okay...
“If you know you’re from an immigrant background, back then
no one gave a shit what you thought about."
Right...
“If you are from a certain social status, or class then you immediately
fall into the trap of being disadvantaged in the world of work.”
Yes I fucking get it!
I know the reality but can you give me something to
take away from this please?!
Where’s my motivation?
(Plays Motivation by Kelly Rowland.)
What I wanted to ask before his ass left the auditorium was, “where
the fuck do I fit into this?”
I'm an Asian female! Does that mean I can tick a
professional’s boxes like he did?
Am I supposed to seek creativity through “keep doing what I'm
doing?” cos what the fuck does that mean any more?
“The degree didn't even help me where I am now, it was
taking every work experience I could.”
Someone take me!!!
You know what? It fucking sucks having all the passion but
no one to push you further. No Asian female that has actually made me go “woah
shit, if she can do it then so can I!” Instead I'm seeing Riz Lateef presenting
the news looking pretty and Mishal Hussain talking to Syrian political figures.
They are symbols of success but…. I don’t see them for who they are, I'm
blinded by their BBC microphones for crying out loud!
Instead, I'm behind the bars of higher education, work
experience: work for other people so that I can gain a few more bullet points
under the “skills” subheading on my CV.
“The BBC employs 12.4% (BAME) staff.” That stands for Black
and Asian Ethnic minority people btw.
So you tell me, whether that’s deflating or motivating?
I need my bed. Where’s bae at?
*Realises there isn't one, eats cold pizza and sways to Isaiah Rashid.*
