Do you ever step outside yourself

It's been 12 days and then it'll be 10 months.

I count days in my head because it's like my way of organising time. Distance is a feeling not just a noun. It's a period of time in which you release your energy in different ways.

When I become distant I don't express hatred because for me it's a period of freedom. But then comes a time when you sit. You sigh. You check your phone. Then wish to throw yourself into clear waters. 

My relationships with people..lol wut wait.  I only see it one way. If people want you, you'll know sooner than later. I don't do "later". 

Feelings grow yes. But it's the strength of feelings that matter. My feelings are nothing but strong which is why I find it hard to let all my energy out. At the moment my battery is recharging and I feel like a jack in the box, although I'm pushed inside and won't come out. I don't want to come out I've just had enough. Enough of spending time on people who you thought were honest. All I have given is honesty and in return I sit here writing a blog post about how I feel. 

Anyhow, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta awaits. 

Being online

I mean, these days we are constantly fixated with our phones, whether we have a notification or not, we will always try and force ourselves to post things whether that be on Shitter, Facebook, or SnapShat etc.

I don't mean to say this is a bad thing, of course it reflects that in our society today we are just simply boring people, we have the time to share what we are thinking, saying & doing all the time. But I don't see what is so revolutionary about that? Why is that a good thing. Like, say if I was really hungry why do I find myself tweeting 'I'm so hungry ffs'. Like, why is that normal? Another thing I never understood was... when people got into relationships...they would make it official on Facebook. Okay...but like...why? Does the online community really need to know? Has word to mouth expired or some shit?!

Back to what I was initially saying...I value the world, you know living without a frikin' phone in my hand. I like that I can be away from it and not have to care who's just Whatsapp'd me or whatever.

I am saying all these things whilst laughing in my head because I just think we have all gone insane. Before, if we wanted to catch up with someone we'd see them and then *boom* what you know...you start to converse and voilá. But being online is so shady ahahahahahaah. It's to the point where it's pathetic, like people truly start to take shit personally.

If you unfriend, unfollow, or block someone it reflects that you hate them...but nah, I just wanted to clean up my news feed "uno". And...just the concept of being able to indirect people. The online word is so free to expose, indirect, make shit go viral...take Mimi's sex tape for example...she's clearly missing her boo Stevie J, then "oh look" Joseline Hernandez floods instagram of her draped all over Stevie J.

It's just corruption, we're made to believe this is just getting with the crowd, fitting in...but like nah. I'd rather play snake for entertainment and write letters to contact people. Imagine that. But yeah anyway, this whole post was just for a rant's sake.

Of course I'll check my phone in due time. #Hypocrite