It's Christmas Eve and I need wifi

It's Christmas Eve. 

Yes, that's me in the corner...everyone stared at me as I took a selfie with the brass band. 

I'm at Liverpool street station, paranoid, as an announcement just blared "this is an emergency evacuate immediately." 

I thought of bombs, death, the end was nigh! Wallahi I was bricking it.

Yep, no one moved. So with the great advantage of having little legs I scurried up the stairs, yes stairs not the escalator. In fear of being "the" news as opposed to presenting the news in future. (Yes I still hold onto that dream.) 

As I step foot outside I'm happy as my lungs are breathing in fresh air and I'm ecstatic as I'm spoilt for choice! Costa or McD's lol. It's not food that I'm after, I WANT WIFI. We are a week away from 2015 and there's no fucking WIFI! Are you dumb?! I-cloud is a disloyal bitch.

I decided to perch up beside Costa, not going in as I have two sorry pounds in my pocket lol. And besides its just a drop in, no seats. I look into the station and people are slowly starting to go inside ...hmm maybe the emergency wasn't an emergency after all. 

I'm still paranoid.

BUT I have an EMERGENCY, CAN SOMEONE hear me OUT PLEASE? I NEED WIFI. 

No I don't have credit. No I'm not on contract. And yes I'm still that bitch who uses pay as you go because funnily enough I'm comfortable with that, ALRIGHT? 

Yes as you can tell I'm bloody fuming. I'm an hour early. Clearly I'm very eager to see Simone. 

PJ:(Drita it's just a joke don't wack me)

My glasses are sliding down my nose, I haven't mastered the gravitational pull on them just yet, because I actually wear contacts on a daily basis. But guess what I decided to do with them? Yes, I decided to peel them off my eyeballs that one day I did an all-nighter in the library. My eyes were dry as fuck okay and when that happens I get a headache. So yeah, I took them out and admired the way they dried up to a crisp. 

Now you can understand why I'm single. It all makes sense. I'm actually a mess. 

(No Santa I don't want a match.com login thank you, I'm perfectly fine I was js.)

I woke up at 6 okay. So don't question anything you have just read, just know that I'm pissed off. Sat in Liverpool St Station with no wifi. My hands stinking of  bloody M&S handmade salt and vinegar crisps that I bought for 89p (89% of which was VAT and air). I'm sat on a metal bench so my bum feels like it's wet. Every time I look up an old man stares right back. There's a group of toffs tooting brass instruments to Christmas classics I.e jingle bells. So in conclusion everyone's having a merry fucking Christmas as I sit with my mini suitcase, twitching my nose and frowning as I question my sanity on this smooth morning of Christmas Eve. 

Anyhow, I wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a happy new year motherfuckers! X