Putting pen to paper

I opened up my notes app once and wrote a paragraph describing my disconnect with everything. I know, 'shits getting deep' but although I'm far from good at writing I enjoy putting my thoughts to paper.

I don't know I guess I'm just warming up my writing skills, yeh there you go that's the purpose of this blog post; preparation and practice?!

War within-

"Dream of a tyrant knocking you to the ground. Wake up from your terrible fantasy. One day the walls will crumble and porcelain dolls crack. Roof caves in and lonely you stand in a corner crying for a saviour, for a God. 

Darkness blinds you from smiling and sharing, there's a palm on your bitter mouth. A venomous volcano erupts and lava spits on every flower and blackens the earth. Charcoal flakes puncture the foot, molten rubber sticks sock to your sole. Choking on the stench of human roast, screams pierce your shadows. The soul has awoken, fluent in petrol and flames. And the brash bone cage lay silent as the insides melt away." 

I hope I didn't depress to impress!

Keep smiling- Bridesmaids

My motivation is going up and down

Okay time-out.

Let me just switch my phone off and think for a second.

I don't communicate well when I feel things getting on top of me. So I believe the best way to deliver my thoughts is to just write on here.

I have been through many applications and interviews lately, specifically within the journalism spectrum but I just have this feeling. Like, this feeling of not getting it. I don't care if you're rolling your eyes as you read this but I help the way I feel right now. Opportunities are endless, yeah..well so is disappointment. I mean, I know that's part of the journey to success. You're supposed to fail continuously until you reach that level of content. But, it's so much to handle. I have my mind set on just getting a position, somewhere, I don't give a bollocks if there's money or no money.

"I used to care about money until I realised money doesn't care about me." - Skepta

Yeah, I just read that on my twitter feed. It's so accurate for me right now.
I don't even know where I will be living next year.
I don't know where I want to go with my degree.
I don't know who's supporting me and who's not.

That's the confusion I feel right now.

I went for an interview yesterday and I was asked if I have a blog. I answered yes. Referring to my other blog which I use as a platform to showcase my work at university. Of course I know I should expand on it more. But, really? I am so indecisive. It takes time for my mind to settle for something.

Right now, I know I can't wright. I just know I can't. Even the people yesterday said my title ideas weren't so captivating yet the content sounds like it has potential.

Well...what the fuck does that mean. Just tell me i'm shit and i'll be gone with the wind. (fabulous).

My writing style isn't for the elite. It's just how I write. I write how I want to.
And if I feel incredibly passionate about something I write even better.

So what the heck. Lord knows where I am going with this right now. But I just want to get it right. I just want someone to finally realise "fuck, she's serious".