My Tinder experience

My thumb hurts.

I have been sat here crossing off so many people that I feel sick by the reality of what I am actually doing. Now, don't get me wrong, the soul purpose of the app is to dig whoever you want and get wet when your phone screen lights up to tell you "you have a MATCH".

Let me tell you my story.

So I'm sat in my living room with my three other friends and I am on the app store downloading Tinder. It'll be a laugh right? Why not. Okay, so I now have to go on Facebook because my current profile picture was not cutting it. Finally, I upload a buff picture and voila. I have entered the world of Tinder.

Right...so it's been 2 hours and I haven't actually matched anyone apart from my three friends LOL.

Suddenly I come across this guy, who looks racially ambiguous, 21 and good looking. Ayeee.

Fast forward. It's now the day after and I am sat waiting for my future manager to hurry the fuck up and ask me all the questions in the world for this weekend job that I was desperate for. I didn't get it. Anyway...

My phone lights up. It's a match. It's that guy. He says "What's good". 

This convo fi dead.

Surprisingly over the course of five days conversations and emotions started brewing. He was an art student, I liked art! I liked slow jamz and so did he. I guessed his favourite model; David Gandy. He guessed which uni I went to. We always talked, always. We had phone calls where he was nervous and sat through silences lol. Eventually we couldn't wait to meet up one day. 

(Yeah, you're probably listing all the possible consequences in your head, trust me so was I.)

It's the day before we will eventually meet and I am sat in Chicken Cottage with my two friends. All of a sudden I get a phone call. This guy is telling me he's at my university and thought he'd just let me know. 

Okay.

Well damn. This is a bit sudden. So of course as we had mutual feelings. (I thought.) I may as well take this opportunity to see the guy in person. I told my friends and with excitement we drove off to uni.

Whilst I'm sat in the car, I'm angry because he feels a bit invasive. I'm nervous because it feels like he wanted to catch me off guard. I'm excited that possibly he was eager to see me. I'm happy because now I can see whether the chemistry exists. It seemed to good to be true.

What if I'm on catfish? 

My friends stayed in the car and watched as I walked up to embrace my Tinder Romeo.

Yeah, he said he was 5'11...nah don't think so. But his eyes glistened in the light and his smile was warm. The conversation was smooth and beneath the layers of sickly sweet I couldn't help but choke on reality.

Something didn't feel right. He was nice. But Tindering, texting, calling and the meeting a stranger in 5 days. Too surreal for my instincts. Call me Drake but I have trust issues and my gut was in knots.

Anyway, I brushed myself off and obviously got gassed when I got home. My friends constantly teasing me like...."ayeeeee Is that you yeah?" I was asking myself the same question.

So it's finally our day! We were going to meet at midday outside Green Park station and he would ring me before hand. I got dressed, hair and make-up on 10. 

And I waited and waited and waited. No message, no calls. No nothing. Then I called on private and his sister picked up.

Tinder Romeo blocked me.

He blocked my calls and didn't see or respond to my messages. I thought something had happened. I honestly let myself think that this guy could be in trouble. What if he had lost his phone? Or didn't get home safe?

I should have rang Drake to hit the studio.

I was officially Miss Havisham of 2014. Hell no was I gonna stay in and let this get to me, so I went out shopping. :)

I hate shopping.

It's about 5 now. Like the investigative journalist I am...I checked his instagram and he had posted a picture of himself. He's alive. Oh so he is safe. He didn't lose his phone. Lol. 

"Keep smiling"-Bridesmaids

This emotional roller coaster wasn't even worth my eyebrows on flick and waterproof mascara after all. I let myself believe that this guy was just a normal genuine person after my own heart (pussy).

Took me 24 hours to get over it because it was hard to disconnect from the emotional reality of it all. But this isn't to say I'm sad, I'm just glad I went through this. And I hope he loses his phone and karma causes his balls to malfunction.

*laughs at self whilst Patrick my lecturer bangs on about government funding*

For me bae is out there...just not online.

*deletes app*

~Karma is a bitch? well just make sure that bitch is beautiful~ 

My relationship with time

I don't seem to find the time to write on my blog as frequently as I would want to, but I think that is purely because I am always busy doing other things. Also, my blog is mostly for reflection...nowadays I seem to forget to reflect.

Yes, I have faced a heavy work load over the past week and I sit to ponder, when will I find time to chill and make time for myself. Yeah I won't go on to bore you...in fact I just want to say...

I learn things everyday, it seems like I am making it up, but it's true. I experience things and when I do, I mentally take note. You know, at times we sacrifice our thought process for others, the people that we prioritize. I have always done it, maybe you have too. These people are the ones we choose to think about, isn't that weird? There's billions of people we meet on an everyday basis, people we exchange two words with or even those people who you have known for a lifetime, and suddenly they pop into your head.

It freaks us out sometimes. You then decide to carry on thinking about them, or you choose to block it out. I always pick the second option, not because I am selfish, but because I am careful. The mind is too powerful to think about someone. This is because personally, when I think, I then imagine and then I fight patience.

Reality dominates imagination. That's what kills me. No wonder my dreams are always realistic. I think it's because I don't allow myself to hallucinate 'what life would be like if...'  that thought is lethal.

One thing I do believe is that, your relationship with your time reflects you. I don't know how, and I can't explain why...I just totally believe in it. And for me I am punctual but patient. That is what I am. And with that said, I conclude by saying that...
                                                With time it'll turn out just great.

I like it loud

I have been awake since 12pm yesterday. I sat up all night waiting for the internet to resurrect from the depths of my despair but no.

Thoughts kept me up. 

Music was playing, some playlist on soundcloud which I will not mention for the fear of being judged. 

It was chill. I sat here drawing and writing and gazing out of my window at the moon. Thinking about those scenarios that you want to happen.

Yeah... I'm no John Keats, but when I start thinking, I shit you not, a poem starts forming in my head.

The conversion of my thoughts into lines that won't ever make sense to you. 

I turn him on, he's always showing it.

And I love it when he's loud during the day, but the soothing whispers in the night are so perfect.

It's only when it's just me and him that the whole world is forgotten. 

My mind is just on him and it's magical.

I pay so much attention to him, I sometimes wish he would talk more...

Like if I asked a question, I'd want him to answer, he has no soul

but he answers me in other ways.

Ways that make me feel noticed.

One to one.

Perhaps they hear us, they've never seen us though.

I value privacy. But he likes attention so I don't think he'd mind going public.

I always notice his veins that pulse this energy, that drive.

His deep notes always hop in my ears.

We'll always have this connection.

I know it, I will take him everywhere I go...well only if they have sockets.

He is so clean I'd never want to get him dirty on anyone else's desk.

And I wish the wires were longer because I like distance sometimes.

Tomorrow is Sunday, he'll have a day off.

And I wish he could go louder, but security would hate me even more than they do now.

I dance to him though, everyday. He doesn't comment. So I dance more.

lmao, I knew personifying my speakers was a bad idea.