Central London on my ones

13/05/2014

Sat on a bench in Hyde Park with the bipolar weather giving me sweats every two minutes in my Ted Baker coat.
Being careful not to sit in a sneaky puddle.

My boots are resting in the slightly pebbled path and I can feel my toes getting wet. Foreign people, actually German people walking past, the litter picker in his khaki hat walks past me. A group of eleven hench men following the path I front of me, 'ballers' I guess. And a Spanish nuclear family watching their three year old chase a squirrel round the trees. A modern looking scouts group on my left having a piggy back race and I hear a leash behind me.

Suitcases scrape as four girls walk past, their faces screaming 'i'm fucking jet-lagged'. 

Oh it's a sausage dog. There's a theme of holding big umbrellas if you're wearing a suit. And if you're not wearing a suit you're looked up and down like a dog.

All I wanted was a piss, I walked into Everbean, a cafe, that's a five minute walk from the Albemarle Gallery. That's were I was today. I was eager to visit Okafor's portrait exhibition. Stunning detail and marble floors only followed by glares and botched noses.

A typical middle class man walked in and the man at reception walked over to him only to ask if he was alright. He informed him about the gallery, the artist's history and handed him an A4 paper that listed all the portraits one by one.

Did I get one? Nah. Two women, both black walked in. Did they get one? Nah.

I think I wasn't dressed appropriately. Perhaps if I bought a blazer and some heels it would have done the trick. Or if I walked in with Gucci shades and a LV scarf. Maybe if I walked in with an Arab dad, or a white friend. Perhaps if my hair was permed straight and I spoke Queen's English. I should have done that really.

Throughout the whole day I had one conversation. One. The lovely lady without judgement asked me if I needed help. This was in the Fine Art building bear New Bond Street I think. I'm talking like I know the place. I walked past LV, Fendi, Chanel, I could go on. Audi, Ferrari and every logo. The Chalet bar, Starbucks, Pret, Eat, men, women, dogs, taxis, cabs, Bentleys, German whips. English, foreign. Italian, Arab, French, German, Iranian, Dutch, Thai Embassy. streets, grunge.

Well I pictured most of it. I am now in Hyde Park. Where there's a diversity. You need diversity. Well I need it cos I've had enough of people looking at me head to toe.

Chavs, now walk past, I quietly type cos lord knows if my phone gets taken I may just turn Solange on their asses and there is no CCTV to back me up. I'm empty inside. My belly is full of coffee and thoughts. I'm feeling really weird, like I've just fell in a pit.

It's called a thought hurricane and a storm of reflection. Damn I'm hungry.

I want a lesbian friend

Okay okay before I start working on my Media and Society essay. Just one thing.
Regardless of having to go outside due to a fire drill, I was interested in a conversation between these three girls in front of me as I stood against the wall with my hair hiding all the 'natural beauty' I was revealing.

She threw away her cigarette box as she lit the last one she had in her hand, and she started talking. At first it was the generic thoughts of everyone at that present time, i.e why are we out here at this time of the morning when we can't see nor smell a fire. Then she started talking about a dream, which she then corrected herself, saying she had a nightmare.

The two girls that stood with her were smoking as well, one had finished hers and the other was half way through it. Ash was flying my way but I was too intrigued by her nightmare.

"I had a nightmare that you cheated on me." This is when my brain clocked, lesbian. She went on...
"Yeah I thought you cheated on me by sleeping with her" *she pointed at the girl stood next to her*
"Then I asked you in real life and you were like 'oh nahh I'm not a bad person I wouldn't do that', but then I said 'yeah but you were a bad person in my nightmare'!" *they all start laughing*

It's a small thing isn't it. A small detail of my day that I actually found interesting. You see, I am guilty of living in this world where everyone is so different that I have no time to stop and realize, 'ah shit'.

I found it so cool, like I never stopped to think, (this is not me being patronizing or naive) ofcourse I know there are gay relationships, but I didn't think of it as a serious matter. I'm just being honest. I am straight and single lol so I don't ponder on these kinda issues. But yeah, it got to me.

Recently I actually wrote about the ethical issue of the lack of lesbians on screen. How they are underrepresented in the media and whether this will change.

I agree to an extent, but I am a realist, so my argument is...no one really goes on screen and says "hi, today you are watching ____ and my name is _____ and oh btw I'm straight! Or by the way I am single, or married, or female, or gay." You know what I mean?

It's not the first thing you say, perhaps for some people certain aspects of their persona are important to them, I think what you feel is important about yourself, is when teachers would say "Okay, we're going round the class, introduce yourself with your name and two things about you"

Ironically I do not remember what I used to say because I am confident that I'd change my answer every year. Interestingly, If I was asked that now, in this moment in time, I'd say..

"Hi, my name is Asma, I am 19 and I currently I am in my first year at university."

How boring right?

But I think they are the two things important to me right now. I dunno why.

But yeah anyway, back to my essay reading on 'How does the media challenge/reinforce traditional ideas about gender?' which requires reading 8 sources, oh boy.

Reality just Sharquisha'd me in face as I realize I only have one chocolate digestive left.

Fun.