Photo essay: Love

Again?

Colour, always colour.

Lust, a mess.

Waiting, for what?

Knowing.

Solitude.

Spandex, Wigs and Fishnets

That’s right. Let’s talk drag.

The quiet Saturday nigh-in didn’t happen, instead I went clubbing to explore the antics of gay clubbing and dress up drag!

It’s unclear when drag was introduced in Britain. But definitely after the war, the clubbing culture soared as drinking and music became more accessible. The term ‘drag’ refers to clothing and drag queen means, usually a man, who impersonates a woman. It’s not just about dressing up in dresses and wearing lip stick. There’s something beneath the escapade of glamour and glitter that sparked my curiosity. So as I always do, I went exploring!!!

With a Tequila hum and lemon smacking lips I danced before latex super heroes, dominatrix princesses and a lady in a white meringue dress shouting “I am a Christmas tree!”

Seductive eye contact was exchanged between two women in cat suits as I walked over to the beer frothed bar. The ceiling cluttered with pulsating strobe lights. The DJ mixed his tracks overlooking the crowds of spirits, sweat and saliva. Rihanna ‘Pour it up’ invited some to slut drop, whilst others focused on mastering how not to spill their drink and twerk at the same time. I felt like a stiff pole in comparison to the flamboyant choreography around me. 

I began to observe trends and patterns. 

Before I got too jealous over some woman’s buoyant curls it took me a few seconds to realise it was a wig. Wigs galore, from brunette waves to sleek blonde 24 inch pony tails. Crowd surfing champagne bottles highlighted the faces of theatrical make-up.  But as I lost count of false lashes and lace fronts I began to question... there must be more to this performance right? It’s deeper than what I'm seeing before my eyes, surely?

I was being hugged by strangers and a fat reality check slapped me across my face. How the fuck am I meant to question someone about their life choice? Regardless of whether this was me researching or quenching my curiosity....nah it didn't feel right.

“I’m not exactly a girly-girl, who would have guessed?”

Failure is and was never my best friend. So...with time, I resorted to desk research.

mygendercatharsis.blogspot.co.uk. got me hooked. 

Her blog is used as a platform to express her feelings, I continued to investigate.  Her friendly tone was comforting and so she told me more about what it's like to be a ‘part time girl’.

“I was struggling with depression which was caused in part by the fact I was struggling with my gender identity. I wasn’t out to anyone, and I was feeling trapped.

“Well of course my girlfriend is someone I really love! When I came out to her 9 years ago I wasn’t expecting our relationship to survive but here we are, still going strong! :) I don’t really have any celebrity crushes, but, I do love celebrities who use their image/status to try and change things in the world. Emma Watson’s recent stand for feminism comes to mind, she is an amazing individual, and too cute too!”

I didn’t expect her to mention anything about feminism. Being accepted as a woman in society is one thing, yet after reading this, it fascinated me that she has adopted what it’s like to be a woman politically as well as emotionally.

I was curious to understand her perspective on drag queen culture.

“Well this is the thing, and you’re probably not going to like me for it, but I don’t like the majority of drag queens. The impression I get is that the majority seem to be larger than life caricatures of femininity, rather than a homage of it. They reinforce stereotypes of trans-women being easy targets for amusement and harassment.”

See, from my clubbing experience it is captivating to know that clubbing isn’t the be all and end all. It’s just a leisure pattern that celebrates drag queen culture.

I was itching to get her thoughts on religion.

“What I have a problem with is religious extremists from every religion, people who try and force their view of how their religious text say you should live your life on people who do not believe. Or those who channel such a large amount of hatred to minorities (like me) in the name of their god.” 

How can we change this? Although the drag queen culture and gay clubbing culture is celebrated and advertised in British society, isn't it an issue that discrimination still exists?

“It would be nice just to be accepted at face value as the gender I present as. If I'm dressed as a woman, treat me like one. No glances, stares, "is that a man?" comments behind me, shouts across the room, fear of using toilets, or so on. We do no harm. A lot of people do accept us, but there is a minority that makes things difficult.”

The reality is, discussing the Transgender community is a taboo subject. Even after absorbing more about her I will never understand what it’s truly like. I went into a restaurant yesterday and my waiter had better contouring than Kim K. Could I compliment his HD brows? Would that be offensive? It’s simply an ongoing controversy. Will this change for the better? We can only hope.

“I think strong women are greater role models for women of all ages. I don’t know many superheroes but I would probably be Jean Grey from the X-Men.”

I want a lesbian friend

Okay okay before I start working on my Media and Society essay. Just one thing.
Regardless of having to go outside due to a fire drill, I was interested in a conversation between these three girls in front of me as I stood against the wall with my hair hiding all the 'natural beauty' I was revealing.

She threw away her cigarette box as she lit the last one she had in her hand, and she started talking. At first it was the generic thoughts of everyone at that present time, i.e why are we out here at this time of the morning when we can't see nor smell a fire. Then she started talking about a dream, which she then corrected herself, saying she had a nightmare.

The two girls that stood with her were smoking as well, one had finished hers and the other was half way through it. Ash was flying my way but I was too intrigued by her nightmare.

"I had a nightmare that you cheated on me." This is when my brain clocked, lesbian. She went on...
"Yeah I thought you cheated on me by sleeping with her" *she pointed at the girl stood next to her*
"Then I asked you in real life and you were like 'oh nahh I'm not a bad person I wouldn't do that', but then I said 'yeah but you were a bad person in my nightmare'!" *they all start laughing*

It's a small thing isn't it. A small detail of my day that I actually found interesting. You see, I am guilty of living in this world where everyone is so different that I have no time to stop and realize, 'ah shit'.

I found it so cool, like I never stopped to think, (this is not me being patronizing or naive) ofcourse I know there are gay relationships, but I didn't think of it as a serious matter. I'm just being honest. I am straight and single lol so I don't ponder on these kinda issues. But yeah, it got to me.

Recently I actually wrote about the ethical issue of the lack of lesbians on screen. How they are underrepresented in the media and whether this will change.

I agree to an extent, but I am a realist, so my argument is...no one really goes on screen and says "hi, today you are watching ____ and my name is _____ and oh btw I'm straight! Or by the way I am single, or married, or female, or gay." You know what I mean?

It's not the first thing you say, perhaps for some people certain aspects of their persona are important to them, I think what you feel is important about yourself, is when teachers would say "Okay, we're going round the class, introduce yourself with your name and two things about you"

Ironically I do not remember what I used to say because I am confident that I'd change my answer every year. Interestingly, If I was asked that now, in this moment in time, I'd say..

"Hi, my name is Asma, I am 19 and I currently I am in my first year at university."

How boring right?

But I think they are the two things important to me right now. I dunno why.

But yeah anyway, back to my essay reading on 'How does the media challenge/reinforce traditional ideas about gender?' which requires reading 8 sources, oh boy.

Reality just Sharquisha'd me in face as I realize I only have one chocolate digestive left.

Fun.