Darling

Innocent Asma, who wouldn't dare question anything and would always be corrected.

Innocent me, who always said "yes" to make you feel that I was absolutely down for you, no matter what.
Innocent me. As if you was to rest your hand on my shoulder and whisper

"It's okay. I understand you. You're not alone."

Innocent me, who thought having you was euphoria.

Stupid me, for sharing my silence with you.

Stupid me, for crying when we were new.

Stupid me, for seeing the warmth of truth in your eyes.

Stupid me, for wearing outfits which you dared to rip apart to resurrect your fantasies.

Stupid me, for giving you my ear as well as my heart when you laughed at giving me your hand.

Stupid me, for believing you had a dream that married mine.

Stupid you, for staring at a screen, revealing your masquerade of emotions as you swapped feelings with another.

Stupid you, for calling me strong, it wasn't because of you.

Stupid you, for requesting flowers, my flowers won't make your soul beautiful.

In return for loyalty...deception.

In return for honesty...promises.

It was all an act. I realise now I was just playing the part.

So thank you for releasing me from the shackles of your pride.

You weren't worth it darling, you weren't worth it at all. 

Photo essay: Love

Again?

Colour, always colour.

Lust, a mess.

Waiting, for what?

Knowing.

Solitude.

It's Fathers Day

I loved this top as a five year old, I was a diva.

"You're dressed like a tramp" said Dad.
"Thanks, I get it from you" I replied.

Fathers Day.

See, I have never celebrated it. Not because that's a sign of hatred or self loathing, it's just I don't do it.
Even with Mothers Day. Yeah, the kids make a card and sign their names blah blah, but my names always absent.

I show my love for my mother in every situation that I can. Whether that be in appreciation for something, or helping her, or even talking to her with kind words. I think that's what means most to me. I value the little things not the big commercial present with a label attached and the price scribbled out. We all show our love/affection in our own ways.

Tough Love.

Have you heard of it? I believe everyone's relationship with their parents is personal. Extremely personal. Therefor nah, I won't tweet or instagram a happy family portrait to signify my love in a picture. What for? Likes? Comments? It's all a facade.

Perhaps you're reading this thinking "damn this is deep". Well yeah, of course it is?!

I can't wait to be a parent myself. It'll be that one chance to maybe hinder the experiences I have had, take the moments I've had, the things I have seen and felt towards my child. Towards bringing them up in this world in my way. To make them feel absolute happiness that I maybe crave for but fear.

Notes

Imma shake the Can you open the seal and lip read?

Cos your track puts me on track as we race to the line

Open up the fastener promise you I'm fast enough

Marathon man can you pass me the baton?

Handle the pace of your heart that's a trip

Of Course and the rhythm got me lost

It's so a-Maze ing

Almost skating, no half pipe cos this is the full course

Of course, I have a sweet tooth, pass me the menu...

Man what am I doing?! When I have U

And be assured I'm not playing, this ain't no footsie

saying "you ain't my Man" U best believe in my words

And the feeling that was felt from the first time

Like a dear walks for the first time

Pain at pleasure was the procedure of our Rhyme 

Preparing for the passion in my imagination for next time

But don't get it twisted cos I'd dread to lose... you're mine.

Affection and attention

Affection and attention.

If you could only choose one which one would it be?
What's more important to you, emotion or image?

You're constantly noticed for your looks, than asked how you're feeling.
And I don't mean the 'you good?' in fact I mean 'how was your day?'

Because I mean...can you remember the last person who complimented on your looks or the person who asked how you were?

Maybe you're thinking does it even matter?...I think it does.
Because it helps you answer that one question: What do you want?

And to be fair, I have never been asked that before and if I was asked that right now I know which one I'd go for. It would be affection, as attention is disposable. You reply 'thank you' and your ego grows an inch.

Affection builds, it grows and it's something real. It clears your mind, a bit like green tea. haha.
It makes you stronger. And it's pure.

Attention is addictive, the day you get 11+ likes on a Instagram picture, it only creates the expectation to get more likes next time. Poor example, but you know what I mean.

When you don't get affection you get lonely and you rely on attention.
When you don't get attention you're disappointed and it makes you angry.
But you try again and again to get attention so you end up with affection.

See...you seek attention to get affection.
You can't seek affection to get attention, because when you have affection you no longer need attention.

It's getting confusing now isn't it. Okay I'll just leave you with that. X

Panama - How we Feel

I am lost in this song. Listen and watch it, you'll understand.

Got you didn't it?